Reality and Redheads

I come from a long line of redheaded women and they are everything you imagine a redhead would be; very independent, self-reliant, strong, opinionated and stubborn. I have a mother that is my rock and an 88 year old grandmother (soon to be 89) that doesn’t act a day over 70. But today I  was reminded that even redheads falter and for me today was hard….

Seriously I feel like a complete whiner about this. I get that so many people out there have suffered so much worse. There is so much tragedy in the world, in our neighborhoods and families. My situation is so temporary and will soon be fine, but right now, I just need to type it out, so bare with me. I feel alone and really need to get this out of my head and yes my bloggers, you are the lucky listeners to my rant.

First I want to thank many great online and offline friends. I have received countless text messages, emails and facebook messages telling me to hang in there. Your love and support has meant the world to me. And yes, the Dr. Pepper helped too (wink).

Anyway, today I had to see my mother so weak, helpless and just out of it that I was completely blindsided. My mom hates the idea of other people having to take care of her and I just keep forgetting that with each year she gets older she loses a little of that independence. It’s so hard to explain. But I was not at all prepared today to be the “strong one”…to be the person who made the decisions and took care of my her. Sorry, in my world, my mother was never going to be old or needy like she was today at the hospital…never.

She recently had a total knee replacement on one leg and on her other the doctor had convinced her to let him fix the “padding” from a total replacement he’d done two years earlier. He assured her the partial fix was less evasive and her recovery would be simple. All I have to say is, WHY THE CRAP would any doctor recommend for a single, 65 year old, less active woman to let him work on BOTH knees at the same time? Seriously?? Nothing has worked out as planned…for two days I’ve been awaiting the call to come get her and take her home. No big deal, easy…NOT. Today when I called her I could barely understand what she was saying and she fell asleep on the phone. After tracking down the nurse I was informed that they were not going to let her go home, instead they wanted to move her to a rehab place for up to 6 more days, but could I come get her and take her to the new facility. Seriously….the doctor couldn’t possibly anticipate this?? Oh and she might have a touch of pneumonia.

So I went to pick up reinforcements, which would be my 88 year old grandmother (my mom’s mom) before heading to visit her. Not sure that was a good idea. My mother was unable to wake up long enough to say anything that made sense. She did ask if it was Friday, but overall we spent more time drilling the nurse then anything. And for me, seeing her did not help. Oh how I understand so much that friends of mine have gone through with their mothers in similar situations and how I owe my friends a huge hug. I left the hospital completely drained of all my emotional energy. I held it together while I had my grandma with me.

After returning my grandma to her home, I cried in the car and haven’t really stopped.

Today sucked.

The worse part is…normally when I feel this way, I call my mom.